They used to call me Piggy!

Before you, dear reader, fall out of your chair from surprise at this rare occurrence of two posts in as many days, let me quickly assure you that this is highly unlikely to occur again. Ever. A word about my oh-so-clever title. I hope you get it. If not, comment, and I will explain. So many of my great jokes and comments are misunderstood...does that make me a genius? Or just slightly weird?

I realized something about myself today, as I stepped on the scale for my weekly weigh-in. Yes, I weigh myself every week and watch what I eat very carefully. I know that there are lots and lots of people who claim this is a terrible habit that leads to eating disorders and other Horrible Things (capitalization intentional...just a simple disclaimer for the grammar police). For me, it is vital, as I tend to ignore problems until they have me cornered.

I was one of those lucky girls, in my younger years, that could eat anything and gain nothing. Freak of nature, I tell 'ya. Well, bodies have a funny way of changing things around just as soon as you figure them out. Losing weight after my first child was simple. I did nothing except exist. Easy peasy. It was the latter pregnancies and subsequent c-sections (4 in all)that did me in, coupled with aging and too much responsibility to take care of my basic needs. Throw in some years of high stress, very little sleep, emotional turmoil, and voila, you have instant chubby mommy.

So, in stepping on the scale and disliking the number that I saw, as I had not lost as much as I have other weeks, I had an epiphany. I am too hard on myself about...everything. I have this inborn (or inbred) fear of failure. The parameters are usually of my own making, sure, but if I view any endeavor as a failure, the impact on my thoughts and well-being is tremendous. No matter how trivial the endeavor may be. This, I firmly believe, goes back to the way we as children are expected to learn.

I have no illusions that our society could exist without rules, governance, and order. I have read far too widely about what happens to the social structure without some sort of authority in place.

Of course, if we all followed the greatest commandment, this would not be a problem...

So, back to the root of the problem. This fear of failure. At first, it may seem logical to be afraid of failure. We all want to be successful. Once I really thought about it, I realized that failure can have dire consequences, such as a failure to keep my body parts out of a lion's mouth or failure to stay awake while driving my vehicle. Of those types of failures, I think fear is healthy and life-preserving. The other fear, that insidious, "what-if-I-don't-measure-up-so-what-if-the-standards-are-arbitrary-and-unattainable-I-want-to-be-the-best-no-matter-the-cost" fear is what I am talking about. We are trained to jump through hoops. Getting the grade, getting the raise, winning the race, beating others out for first place...all seem pretty contrary to the stuff of life that really matters.

I am not advocating an "everybody wins" mentality. I abhor the thought of 10 children running a race and all getting shiny blue ribbons for effort. Competition can be healthy and spark interests that become lifelong pursuits of passionate learning.

The problem with the fear of failure is the learning that takes place in the failing. I was deeply moved by a Nike commercial a few years back. Michael Jordan lists how many times he failed at the thing he is considered best at - making the shot!

Ben Franklin is quoted as saying “I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
Failure teaches us a lot about what we are attempting to do, about ourselves, about the world around us. The biggest problem with this fear of failure is that we stop trying, stop taking risks, stop living life, in short. Ben Franklin also is quoted as saying, “Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out.” Pretty wise words from a pretty wise guy.